12 weeks in . . . . 1 week out

Hmmmm. Be warned--this isn't all inspirational.

It's been a long time since I've posted. It's been a long time since I've even thought about posting. Something to the effect of, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all," keeps running around my head. And in all honesty I think I've been waiting to find something nice to say--mostly out of fear that if I said what I really thought out loud it would only make it worse. And while I think I've collected enough "niceties" to balance out the weighty "negatives," for the first time in my life I'm in a state of not really having the exact words to explain this experience I've had for the past 12 weeks. I don't want to be overly negative but I am going to be honest.

So let's start with the positives:

1. I love the kids.

These kids are hysterical, resilient, and fun to be around. Of my 140 some odd teenagers, there are truly only 3 (OK, 4) that I say a quiet prayer of thanks for when they decide to skip class.

Some funny quotes:

"Mrs. G., Seriously. Somebody broke into my locker and stole all of my books. I can't do any of my homework without any of my books."

"Mrs. G., I really gotta go. It's a for-real emergency."
"But you have emergencies in my class every day. Can't you have an emergency in someone else's class today?"
"It's that time of the month though."
"It was last week too."
"I know. That's messed up ain't it?"

"Mrs. G., Can I go to the nurse? I got a paper cut."
"No. I have a band-aid right here for you."
"But I could get gankin and my finger could fall off." (maybe he means gangrene???)

"I forgot how to write."

"I forgot how to read."

And the list could go on and on, which is a good thing because that's really the only positive I can list right now.

2. The sob stories are sob-worthy.

13--number of kids I've lost since the beginning of the school year due to a myriad of reasons (new foster parents, juvenile detention, parents giving up custody, family kicked out of apartment within school district, drugs, etc.)

5--number of suicide notes I've received and had to pass along to counselors

68%--approximate percentage of students living in broken homes due to divorce, parental death, or parental drug habits

99%--percentage of students who are in alternative school who have alternative home arrangements (foster home, living with relative, step-parents, etc.)

8--number of students who have had a parent or sibling killed by a shooting or stabbing

3--number of students who have confided in me that they only get to eat at school

20--number of students I've been alerted to that only eat at school

5--number of students who have lost one or more parent to the war in Iraq

On any given day I would estimate that 50% of my students are focused on personal issues at home that keep them from being able to focus on school. It's hard to teach these kids about conjunctive adverbs when they are hungry, depressed, or scared.

I think as an English teacher many of these issues are brought to light through creative writing--giving me a window into their lives as they write about important issues in their lives. I appreciate the opportunity to get to know these students on that level but their sadness weighs on me.

3. The black hole that is teaching

I've heard this statement before but didn't truly understand it until going through this myself. I used to work 7.5 hour days and had a 5-minute commute. I now work 9-hour minimum days (7 am - 4 pm--more consistently 7 am - 5 pm) with an hour commute. And on top of that there isn't enough time in the day to actually plan all of the lessons and grade all of the essays and tests (if I spend one minute on each student's essay that is more than two hours of grading--and who can actually grade an essay in one minute?).

Friday gets here and I have about 8 hours of relief until I have to start planning the next week and grading all of those journals/essays that have stacked up during the week.

The relationship with my work feels a bit like one of those relationships where you could give and give and give and it's just still not enough. We have actually been told, "If you're a good teacher, you'll find a way to make it work. Remember you're doing this for the kids."

That sage wisdom is what we hear when we ask about supply money (that just came in this week--12 weeks into the school year); when we are told we will not have money for toilet paper and soap next semester because the budget just isn't there; when your students can't afford the books that you're supposed to read in class and there aren't enough copies at the library for everyone; when you've been at school for 10 hours on a Friday, lost your prep period because you had to cover yet another class, and grades are due to be posted on Monday.

As a perfectionist I struggle with knowing when to just stop. That lesson could probably be better. I should probably have given the students a little more feedback on their essays . . . and so on. The leadership at my school is great--and they have given me positive marks but everyone is so busy and strapped for time that there isn't truly time for reflection and strategic improvement plans of any sort.

And while it may seem minor, going to the restroom is something I took for granted in corporate life. I went when I wanted to and didn't think about the legal liabilities of leaving my post in my office for the five minutes it would take to use the restroom. We have block classes--meaning 96 minutes and my prep periods are either at the very beginning of the day or at the very end. There are some stretches of time that teachers have to go without using the restroom that I wouldn't want to put my dog through.

4. Standardized testing is ruining our schools

Nothing in my masters program prepared me for the emphasis on standardized testing found in schools today. We do actually teach to the test--and are required to do so each and every day--even to the detriment of what we are supposed to be teaching in the lesson that day. My students are programmed to take tests--not to think critically or creatively. They don't want to do anything other than bubble in answers--a problem when you want them to write or provide oral answers. Multiple-choice rules in their lives.

It has been truly disturbing--and disheartening to see the ramifications of "accountability testing." While I understand the necessity of accountability, it has overtaken the more important mission of creating independent thinkers and engaging lessons.

5. The statistics

So, while I'm still standing here a little dumbfounded from the experience and unsure of what it means for my future in education, I'm reminded of the statistic they gave us during the first education graduate class I took:

Half of all teachers quit after their first year. That's right. Fifty percent of all new teachers do not return for a second year.

That is what is bouncing around in my head these days--along with worries for my own students, children of my own that I don't even have yet, and the state of our education system in this country. I have students in English 10 who spell "this" as "dis" and some students who don't know the difference between a noun and a verb. The lack of knowledge among my 9th and 10th graders has surprised me the most--along with the absolute sheer lack of adequate resources and technology in the schools. It's so broken and I honestly can't tell you where we could even start to begin to "fix it."

6. The future and what I'm sure about

All this said, my experience with the students is what I cherish--their smiles, kind hearts, and funny comments have kept me going during these past 12 weeks. So has my incredibly supportive husband.

Teaching has drained and strained everything I value in my own life--my relationship with my hubby, running, family/friend relationships. And even though I am sure that I'm not willing to sacrifice those things again, I am incredibly thankful that I know even more about myself because of this trial. I know exactly what I am capable of doing and what I value most in my life.

I'm 12 weeks into this and can't believe that JG is 1 week out from the Ironman. I'm glad he's had all of this training to do while I've been working--otherwise he would probably resent this teaching thing. I look back on the last 12 weeks and feel like I've been absent from my own life--only able to live and breathe teaching in order to survive each day.

I look forward to being able to focus on him this week and next weekend and set the teaching aside--letting things pile up until the week after the Ironman.

I'm sorry it's been so chaotic this fall, JG, and I am thankful to have you as inspiration. Your iron will, solid dedication, and endless support are priceless--and for now if that's all I'm sure about then I feel like I'm in pretty good shape.

Here's a little inspiration for you as we kick off Ironman week--and as I look to make it to Christmas break. Let the countdown begin:



Love to all and my apologies for the down-trodden post. Sometimes you have to reach the bottom to be able to find your way back out.

K. G.

Life is Good...Taper Madness

We made it to another Friday and it should be a fun weekend. We are going to be attending a Halloween party tomorrow. I haven't participated in the annual festivities since about 4th grade. Maybe there will be a photo post of the Greggs in costume.

Katie has been a little under the weather this week. She has threatened to return to the blog this weekend so keep your fingers crossed.

After 34 weeks of training buildup, the last two weeks of my training plan are designated as a taper period. Nearing the end of the first taper week, its been interesting. After getting used to 15-18 hours training each week for the last 4 months, suddenly the volume has been reduced to about 8 hours. I have so much free time on my hands. It has been a little maddening. As soon as the last long workout week ended, doubt started to creep in. Emotionally it feels like I should be doing more, but rationally there is nothing in the last 8 days that will improve my fitness. It is however, hard to not worry about losing some of it or gaining a few pounds. As someone who recovers quickly, tapering is something that's never been part of my plan. The recent intensity and volume is something new. After many hard weekday workouts, 7-8 hour Saturday bike/run sessions have been followed by 2-3 hour Sunday runs. At the end of last week I felt physically and emotionally exhausted. Its amazing how much better I feel now. After just 5 days of rest my legs feel better than they've felt in months. Next week the schedule only calls for 4 hours of activy at low intensity. I should be well rested on the 7th, but I may be crazy by then as well.

JG

Life is Good...Thursday Tri at the JCC

Ironman Florida is in less than 9 days. There are so many things on my mind. Good Things! I am Thankful. I plan to post daily blog updates until the race. There is more than enough material bouncing around in my head.

When I signed up for Ironman Florida almost a year ago I had one fear, the 2.4 mile ocean swim. I did several triathlons in 2008. They all seemed to present the same problem, the swim. I was a terrible swimmer. Despite being a lifeguard back in 2001 when I met Katie, swimming has never been my strong suit.

Coach William, pictured in the middle above, literally swims like a fish. He swam a little back in college at Sewannee. Since he was already a good friend, I figured he was my best bet at learning to swim. At some point last winter, he told me about the Thursday Tri. Every Thursday William swam alone, went to RPM, and then ran on the treadmill alone. I decided that if I started showing up at the pool on Thursdays and swimming in the same lane as him, he'd see that my swim stroke was pathetic and give me a few pointers. I was right! William began to slowly help me with my terrible stroke. The free coaching I've received has been such a blessing. My once dreadful swim has now become enjoyable.

2 beat kick, reach, high elbow, bilateral breathing, head down. I got it!

At some point this spring a funny thing happened. More and more people started showing up at the pool every Thursday at 5:30. Turns out I wasn't the only one that wanted a little swim instruction. The Thursday Tri became an event. At the high point this summer, a dozen people showed up each week for the swim, bike, & run. Many of them completed their first triathlon in 2009, mostly due to Coach William helping them get past their fears of an open water swim.

Another benefit of the Thursday Tri was getting to know Kyle, the instructor of the Thursday night RPM cycling class, pictured far right above. He has become one of my closest friends and has been with me on every long training ride, for which I will be forever grateful. The amount of encouragement he has given me deserves its its on blog post, which will come in one of the following days.

Tonight was my last Thursday Tri before the Ironman. Since triathlon season is almost over, the group was small again. It was just William, Kyle, Julie, and me for the swim. I swam hard, I swam fast, I swam strong. I thought about how much I've improved in the last few months. I thought about how I'll never be able to repay William for the gift he's given me.

The run tonight after RPM was 3.5 miles. It was only William and me, which in a way seemed fitting. We ran hard. We ran fast. I felt a sense of completion. At the end the world seemed to make sense.

JG

Life is Good... Barefoot Running

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was reading the book, "Born to Run". It may be the best book I've ever read. A large portion of the book discusses running injuries. The author believes that most common injuries are causes by running shoes. If running shoes protect our feet so much that running improperly does not hurt our feet, it becomes comfortable to run in a way that is harmful to our hips, feet and knees. The answer is simple, RUN BAREFOOT. Barefoot running is supposed to strengthen our feet and force us to run with proper technique. The Ironman is 20 days away. As soon as its over I'm going to start running in Vibram Five Fingers, shown below.

Life is Good...Stump Jump 50k Race Report

Kyle and I survived Stump Jump and had fun in the process. Arriving late Friday afternoon we headed straight for the expo, which for a 50k was huge. Vendors were setup displaying all kinds of funky trail shoes and outdoor stuff. At some point we wandered over the North Face booth to meet Dean Karnazes. I read Dean's first book, Ultramarathon Man a little over a year ago and blogged about it. http://keepmovingkate.blogspot.com/2008/09/life-is-gooddean-karnazes.html

Dean was really cool and down to Earth. He's currently on tour with Northface and had been on 3 continents in the last two weeks. Despite the hectic schedule and the fact that he probably had no idea what city he was in, he was chatty and in a good mood.

Later at the carbo dinner I won a gift certificate for a pair of La Sportiva running shoes, which was exciting. I don't think I've ever won anything. we're going to order a pair for Mrs. G. so she can join me on some of my excursions into the woods. After the carbo dinner Dean spoke to the group for about an hour.

When we arrived at Motel 6, thankfully the light was still on for us. The man at the front desk was old, foreign, and incoherent. Kyle made some smart-ass comment to him when we were checking in, which thankfully he did not understand. The lobby and hallways were dirty, but our room was clean. $45 at the Motel 6 gets you a room with crazy looking bedspreads and creepy mirrors, a cross between a dorm room and a prison cell. At least it was clean.

The race began at 8:00 on Saturday morning outside Chattanooga atop Signal Mountain. The 31 mile course ran along portions of the Signal Mountain Cumberland Trails. Most of the running was done high above the Tennessee River. In the beginning it was chilly and foggy and we were running above the clouds. After it warmed up and the fog rolled out the runners were treated to breathtaking views of the mountains and river down below. There were 350 participants in the 50k. By mile 5 the runners were spread out and I was alone in the woods. My legs felt great and I was thrilled to be running alone on such a beautiful day in such a beautiful place. At mile 7 I saw another runner up ahead. Quickly gaining ground, at some point I realized it was Dean. He was struggling to breathe due to four crack ribs that were injured last month during a multi-day stage race in Colorado. It felt strange to pass him, but after chatting for a moment, I wished him the best and went on my way. The 31 mile course was difficult but runnable. There were some steep climbs and tricky descents and a brutal mile long boulder field at mile 17. The terrain allowed me to run about 95% of the time. At mile 26 I was still going strong when Dean flew by me at a blistering pace. Withing a few seconds, like a ghost, he was gone. Guess the ribs were feeling better. Severe pain and fatigue set in around mile 29. I was able to block it out mentally and continued to the finish line at a strong pace.

Overall I'm very pleased with how I ran. My time was 6 hours and 14 minutes, which is a 50k pr by over 26 minutes.

No more races until the Ironman. Just 5 more weeks until race day.

JG

Life is Good...Stump Jump 50k

Kyle and I are headed to Chattanooga tomorrow to run the Stump Jump 50k on Saturday. There's nothing quite like running 31 miles in the woods. Some of the most notable names in ultrarunning will be there. Dean Karnazes is speaking at the carbo dinner tomorrow night and running the race. Krissy Moehl, who may be the best female untrarunner in the world, will also be there. I wouldn't be surprised if she wins the race outright. We have reservations at the cheapest motel we could find, the Motel 6 downtown for $45 bucks. The hotel had 12 reviews on the Internet, which were all bad. The run is supposed to be ridiculously hilly over tough terrain. It should takes us around 6.5 hours. Below is a video of the race taken a few years ago. Fun Fun Fun!



JG