You Want Me to do What?

I'm working on this assignment that I've been putting off for days . . . well weeks at this point. It's due tomorrow--at 12:30. I've just gotten to page 3 of the assignment and the professor wants me to wax poetically as I compare Juliet to the following:

Animal
Plant
Element
Smell
Color
Texture
Food
Drink
Clothing
Car
Movie
TV Show
Game
Book

and wait for it . . . a piece of . . . f u r n i t u r e!

seriously.

I love metaphor just as much as the next language junkie but this borders on blasphemy (sorry Shakespeare).

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun

Yep. The Bard would be proud that some 400 years later a frustrated graduate student is trying to decide whether Juliet is more like a dresser or a vanity . . . or maybe a strikingly beautiful, young settee.

Oy . . . I'm procrastinating again.